Posted on July 1, 2005 by Sara Hickman. | 2 Comments

death walked all over the world this week, i know.

but it came in a series of three for us…first, the passing of my grandmother last friday…then the passing of my care partner on tuesday…and one of my cats, my oldest cat (sixteen years of age), dying thursday night in a freakish accident…..

my mind is a blur…it started with singing at annie robinson’s service almost two sundays ago…while there was a wondrous baby shower going on at my home….then that week was a blur…was that the week i was in the studio?!

then, after my grandma suddenly passed, i was going daily to see my care partner, a young man with AIDS…i was going every day as his health suddenly began declining quickly…on saturday, i arrived at his house to a locked door…i panicked a bit…his door was always unlocked as he was unable to walk to the door…and with it locked, i feared the worst…i called other care team members and was instructed to hop the fence and try his rear sliding door…which i did, to no avail…it was locked, as well… all saturday i was sick at heart that he was in his apartment, dying, without electricity or air to boot (they had cut off his power). i had tried the apartment office: closed. one of my care team members told me she was sure he must have been moved to hospice if the doors were locked…

surely enough, later that night we found out he was safe at a hospice; moved by APS. sunday, monday and tuesday i was fortunate to be able to spend time with him, thanks to my understanding family. sunday night i read to him from the
fantastic four comic book (he had wanted to see the new movie, so i found the comic book and brought it to him…)…we talked for two hours…i can’t say much more, except that i am glad to have known this man. i am honored to have been able to, hopefully, serve him, spiritually and mentally. i sang him a long lullaby to soothe his achy soul. he dozed off. he woke and said such sweet things and then fell back to sleep.

monday i was given his keys to his apartment to go and save his fish, which is now enjoying a clean bowl and my daughter’s care. i told him the fish would have a happy life here….

tuesday, he was in a coma. i held his hand and kissed his forehead one last time. i talked to him as if we were having tea, as if we were on a stroll…he died two hours after i left. it was a rough day.

i don’t remember wednesday.

thursday, my cat died a horrid death. my sweet assistant accidently ran over him with her car. the story is grim. telling my children was worse. lily made an incredilble head stone: “johnny: a pet and a friend”….she carried this giant stone through the house and covered the grave with sunflowers.

this was the cat my friend, caryl, left behind when she died two years ago. johnny is the son of jeep-jeep, who some of you may know as the black and white cat jumping through my hair on “equal scary people”.

today was the service for my friend. then i came home and made dinner for family and friends…taco night. it was relaxing and love filled and we shot off fireworks with the kids out on the cul de sac. lots of “oohs” and “aahs” and zips and BANGS! too many mosquitos, though.

my eyes are so blurry…i think i’ll just stop now.

i think i will just enjoy this fourth of july weekend and lay to rest the sorrow that has been nipping my heels, borrowing into my heart…maybe i will sleep in tomorrow.

my dear nephew is visiting from colorado. he is tall and lean and loves skateboarding, so last night we went to the austin skate park. that was a whole new world! wow. this was after visiting the skate shop…i think i may have been the only set of ovaries to walk through those doors EVER…or, at least, it felt like it…all the boys working in the shop looked like that…pre-pubescent kids, not mean or scary or anything, just teen punks happy to skate all day, talk about skating when they aren’t skating, hang out at the shop to watch the video screen of other guys skating when they aren’t talking or riding. that was a lot of boy to see.

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2 responses to “death”

  1. Barbara says:

    Cats and grandmas and friends who we loved so much- will forever be with us because of the love they gave to us.

    Their smiles are raining down on us when we are sad– to make us feel better.

  2. Mickey Mann says:

    Rest in peace Annie, Johnny, and AIDS victim. So sad for everyone left behind — but no more material cares for those who leave us!

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