Dear God

Dear God,

In five hours, I will be in a taxi, heading towards the airport and a plane with my name painted on the side saying, “Come fly with me!”, jumping off in Houston, and teaching teachers about how to be even more creative with kids.

But you know all this.

In fact, you know what I’m going to type before I type it. S-e-e. You knew I was going to push that “s” letter, and the following “e”s. Hmm.
I can’t fool you….but what… if I did…. this

la;sldtz n ;s hghe gk ndfgesirhlsdgdkfgsidgncgij
ldorn
ikdft

Ha! Didn’t see that coming, did you?

Ok, ok. That probably translates to something in Minsk or Norse or Nordic or some old fashioned Swahili. I can’t pull the wool over your eyes.

But, here’s my question.

You keep sending me all these amazing projects. And, mind you, I am very happy to accept these assignments, really, I am!…but I have a beef about a couple of things concerning all these opportunities.

Before I mention the beefs, is it ok I’m bringing them to your attention in a public format? I mean, that’s ok, right? If your own creation can’t ask away, well, why do we have zippers?

Anyway, back to my concerns.

One, opportunities always seem to appear when I’m already working on the most recent four or five that have come down the pike, plus juggling family and the new dog that poops on everything. Why is that? Why don’t opportunities come when we are pining away for something fresh and zesty in our lives? When we are tired of the same bowl of cereal or looking for a new job or stuck in a rut. Why doesn’t it rain when we are dehydrated? Ok, just had to put that up to ya.

So, anyhoo, my plate is full. It looks like an IHOP Fresh and Fruity Rootie-Tootie on steriods. And, don’t get me wrong! I love the ol’ Fruit Toot-de-toot! Who doesn’t? Especially when it comes with a cute waiter and a steamin’ cup of joe with massive amounts of that weird cream in the little white plastic containers. I love to peel those things open! Whoever invented those, well, they had the right idea of convenience mixed with immediate gratification. And, best of all, THEY ARE FREE! No one ever has to pay for them!

You know, I like to pour about twenty of them in my decaf, and then stack them end to end to make a miniature plastic Leaning Tower of Pisa. I don’t know how the cute waiter feels about it, but it’s a fun morning challenge for me to create an entire city of non-dairy creamer containers, with non-dairy creamer rivers connecting the entire lot. AND…If your waiter still likes you, you can ask for a straw and carefully remove the paper condom but pinching it all the way down to one end, all crushed together neatly,
and pour creamer on that, and it slowly unfolds like an undulating paper snake! Yesh!

So, back to my dilemna.

Two, the ideas that begin to start EXPLODING in my weary brain due to the aforementioned opportunities are magical and festive, but I don’t need fireworks at night. As you know, this is a big problem with me….fireworks = big lights in the sky= NO SLEEP FOR THE LADY.
No sleep for the lady makes mama crotchety, and who wants THAT adjective attached to themselves?!

Thus, I would like to request that you and I solve this insomnia once and for all. You keep sending me a workload and I’ll sleep. Doesn’t that sound like a plan? Ah, it sounds like such a plan to me.

(Well, you should know. You created it! I’m just spelling it out.)

But, how God, how? How do I sleep? Could you send me a remedy? (Don’t send me one that isn’t covered by insurance cuz those remedies don’t work, trust me, I know.) How about a simple, cost efficient remedy, something that I keep on my person, and I just
reach out as I lay my head down to sleep, and there it is, all cuddly and warm and intoxicating…and I close my eyes and drift off into deep blue skies…

Something kind of Amish. I think the Amish have it going on. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover the Amish invented that non-dairy creamer.

So, please, when you have a moment, let’s sit down, and show me the Amish sleep remedy and I will take it…I promise!…I will take it nightly at the same time and I will sleep so darn good and feel all refreshed and ready to take on any and everything and there will be a zip to my step. Thank you.

Amen.