Absence of Blame

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Lyrics

I'M SO GLAD (YOU CAME ALONG)

Words and music by Sara HickmanThere was no place to tell my story
There was no stage to sing my song
Until you built a house of glory
And I’m so glad .... you came along
The night time skies were full of sunbeams
The stars were lost and struggled on
Until you placed your hand upon me
And I’m so glad...you came along
My heart felt forever's sorrow
My eyes wept eternal pain
I lost my soul, I lost tomorrow
And then you whispered my name...
Then through the mist...I heard you answer
I felt your arms....I found your kiss
I found the strength...To move these mountains
I found that life....is more than this
Now there’s a place to tell my story
There is a stage to sing my song
Because you built a house of glory
And I’m so glad...you came along

THERE BUT FOR FORTUNE

by Phil Ochs
Show me a prison, show me a jail
Show me a prisoner whose face has gone pale
And I'll show you a young man with many reasons why
And there but for fortune may go you or I
Show me the alley, show me the train
Show me a hobo who sleeps out in the rain
And I'll show you a young man with many reasons why…
There but for fortune may go you or I
Show me the whiskey that stains on the floor
Show me the drunken man as he stumbles out the door
And I'll show you a young man with so many reasons why…
There but for fortune go you or I
[Extra verse... written by Noel Paul Stookey]
Show me the famine, show me the frail
Eyes with no future that show how we failed
And I'll show you the children with so many reasons why
There but for fortune go you or I.
Show me the country where bombs had to fall,
Show me the ruins of buildings once so tall,
And I'll show you a young land with so many reasons why
There but for fortune may go you or I

AFTER THE FALL

Words by Sara Hickman and Colin Boyd
Music by Sara Hickman
with a flick of the switch i'll remember it all
when i'm ready to tear down what's left of these walls
still, i'm scared who i'll find haunting these halls
i'm not sure who'll be standing
after the fall
when you look in the mirror
is it someone you know?
or the face of a stranger you knew long ago
did the choices you make leave you nothing at all?
is there someone left standing....after the fall
is it the fear inside me or the thought of something else
that locks me away...away from myself?
and if i make a mistake will i lose it all...?
i'm not sure i'll be standing after the fall
the story of my life is so incomplete
i keep tripping on chapters, trapped under my feet
i keep turning the pages
hoping to meet
the one who'll be standing...after the fall
i'm not sure who'll be standing...after the fall

BLOWN AWAY

Words & music by Sara Hickman
what can i say? that hasn't been said...
it's too late, now, to change those voices in your head
cuz now you've blown away all those memories
of the hidden days that were given to you and me
now i don't know what i'm to do
cuz i'm haunted ....by you
and the way
i was blown away
seems just like yesterday you were standing here
all along your dreams were so clear
you were the one with the great big smile
you were the one who was gonna go far
you were the one who came to get me
when we snuck out in your white car
and now i'm blown away
cuz you've done left me here
all alone with just these memories
of what i thought would be
something we could grow old
together
but now you've gone and left me
blown away
so, don't come cryin' over spilt milk...cuz you were the one who told me
not to give up on these stupid dreams
now i'm sitting here and i'm 37 tomorrow's my birthday
and you're in heaven
tell me: is it as good as it seemed?
cuz i'm still blown away by yesterday
by all those things you said we would do
and now i'm left here all alone
without a clue
you kicked over the queen of cards
and i dunno...you gotta take the hits when life gets hard
but you'll never know...no, you'll never know
now that you've gone... away
away...day after day...blown...away

BROKEN

Music by Sara Hickman & Rachel Loy
Lyrics by Sara Hickman, Rachel Loy and Johnny Goudie
here comes another sad song about you
this is it...cuz after this, i'm through
no more self-inflicted damage
woke up with that feeling of living in a room with a 2 foot ceiling
phone is ringing, now i'm bleeding
you threw that punch without a care
broken...broken...broken
broken...broken..choking on the hope i'm not...
you're a wreaking ball with a loaded mouth
cut me in half when you cut me out
how do you manage
so much damage?
once it's shot it can't be stopped
a bullet's hard and i am soft
i'm taking this bullseye off my heart
Chorus
Chance of a lifetime
Waits just outside my door
You say, "I won't do it anymore..."
Yea, I've heard it all before
So, go ahead and laugh, go ahead...
I know you don't believe
That I'm finally breaking free
But what you'll never get
Is that I'm doin this for me
Instrumental
No, I'm not broken....broken...broken
Broken...broken
Never have been, never was then, never again, never will be....

99%

Music and Words by Sara Hickman
Hey, baby, one more drink
Then it’s time to go
We’ll catch the bus
Head downtown
Maybe catch a show
Hey, baby, whatcha think
I’d really like to know
Something curious
Has gotcha down
I see your soul
Swinging low
And now your cover’s blown...
You live as though
You’re still wonderin’ where the mystery went
Let me take you home
I’ll give you
99% 
Hey, baby, I’m your missing link
We can take it slow
1% is hard for all of us
To let go or ignore
Hey, baby, you don’t need no shrink
Who says they’ve seen it all before
No need to discuss
Other clowns
Who took control
Made you old
Now your cover’s blown....
CHORUS
Drop the pen…let me write it
There’s no need for you to fight it
Ya get up, ya get down
Ya feel right, ya feel wrong
Either way you still belong
In the collective song
Words begin, then they end
Listen over and over again
Search high then dig deep
From this demented sleep
Let me in, take it out
Let’s blow up this rusted doubt…

SIZE SIX DRESS

Words & Music by Rachel Loy and Sara Hickman
There was a little operation
Her mom told her it was for the best
After surgical invasion
Her body weighed 80 pounds less
Changed her body, changed her clothes
Skirts high, shirts cut low
Needing a whistle
Needing a sign
To prove that the fat girl died
CHORUS:
Who’s this mess in the mirror looking back?
Less is more, less is happiness, I guess
Are you happy now there’s half of me…?
Love is more than a size six dress
Obsessed with her thighs and breasts
Food is tasteless and who’d have guessed
Once afraid...Twice ashamed
Feeding addictions that have no name
CHORUS
These hidden fears are staying near
They cause the pain
That eats me up inside
There’s no surprise this thin disguise
This crazy game...this stupid side show ride….
Who’s this mess in the mirror looking back
Less is more... less is happiness I guess
Here’s a thought I’m all I’ve got
I’ve got to change to be set free
This stupid game... this private shame
Only hurts me
Can you be happy with who I’ve grown to be….?
Love is more…than a size six dress
Love is more love is more
Than a size six dress…

STATE OF EMERGENCY

Words & Music by Sara Hickman
I’m feeling ugly... I’m feeling rude
Ain’t got no hope left... Can’t shake this mood
Behind the promise... Behind your eyes
You’ve been poisoned by a government’s lies
I keep on runnin... all night and day
I’m going crazy... Prayin’ we’ll be saved
You’re full of toxins... Your body hides
Pushin’ the pedals on a bike... You’ll never ride
Too much fightin’ ...and hittin’ too
My body’s been bitten til it’s turning black and blue
Eats up the money... eats up the brain
I don’t know if I can ever be happy again…
CHORUS:
It’s a lock down, broke down can’t rip off the shades
Shootin’ up with mercury and no one’s mind is safe
No one to help me... Can’t no body see?
I’m living in a state of emergency…
All of these worries... All of these fears
A pressure cooker that’s been building up for years
Who will help you? Learn how to steer?
When your momma and your daddy are no longer here?
Eats up my money... Eats up my brain
I don’t know if I can ever be happy again
CHORUS
Who brought this crisis home...?
Most of all... who will watch them when I’m gone?
Who will love them and feed them... promise not to beat them and keep them from hurting themselves....?
I’m feeling bad... no,.. this ain’t no good
Locked up living in a freaked out neighborhood
I feel so anxious…You’re screaming ‘cross the room
But I can see… no body’s coming... to help us soon...
It’s a lock down, broke down can’t rip off the shades
Shootin’ up with mercury every little mind unsafe
No one to help me... Can’t no body see?
I’m living in a state... of emergency

LOVE IS THERE

Words & Music By Grace Pettis
In the prison cell
In the soldier’s private hell
In the mother who blessed us
In the father who left us
With the battered wife
And the orphan in the night
With the homeless in the rain
& in the middle of our pain
Love is where you are
And you are with us now
In the broken places
And the empty spaces
Love is there somehow
In a remembered kiss
In a razor at the wrist
In the drunkard’s dream
And when it’s hard to believe
CHORUS
So when lovers are romancin’
And their little girl is dancing…
With the stillborn in his mother
And when we kill each other
In the broken places
In our enemies faces
Love is there somehow…Love is there somehow
Love is there

JULIET AND JULIET

Words & Music By Marvin Etzioni
Juliet and Juliet
Met last night
They kissed til the morning’s light
They held each other
And watched the sun
Rise in each others’ eyes
If mama only knew
She would break them in two
And no more would they stand a chance
So they kept it a secret
Two angels in the dark
Curled up and purring like cats
And no one can deny
The yearning of the heart
No matter how they try
No handcuffs won’t stop us
And blindfolds won’t blind us
True love only comes once a life
Juliet and Juliet
Wept and wept
When they realized
They knew deep inside it was never to be
The first cut is the deepest my love
And no one can deny
The yearning of the heart
No matter how they try
No handcuffs won’t stop us
And blindfolds won’t blind us
True love only comes once a life

LAST MAN IN THE WATER

Words & Music By Sara Hickman
Once upon a time there was a day
Seemed everything was going my way
I was the type who did believe
It couldn’t happen to me
And lookin’ back on how it all got started
I never knew I’d be so open hearted
Here’s the part of the story where I have to say
My life’ll never be the same….
Oh…oh
Here underneath the water….I can see
Here underneath the water…Life’s bigger than me
I was the last man in the water
I was the one who saved your sons and daughters
And when they finally sent down
The last shred of rope…
I saw my last hope wave goodbye…
I barely had time to think
I’d just sat down, just got my drink
I heard an awful sound and the world caught fire
Freezing water swirling all around…I saw it pull a young couple down
My fingers cold, my body numb
Revelations for everyone…
Here underneath the water….I can see
Here underneath the water…I’m finally free
CHORUS
What would you do…in my shoes?
When you’ve got everything to lose?
I gave away my sweet, sweet right to life
But I don’t regret this final sacrifice…ohhh…..
SOLO
There were maybe four or five of us
Three began to pray, one began to cuss
Who knew who’d be saved and who was through…?
Time was tickin’, man, it sure can fly
When life is passing before your eyes
You realize what you have got to do…
So…you become the last man in the water
You’re the one who saves the sons and daughters
And when they finally send down
The last shred of rope
You’ll see your last hope wave goodbye…
I was the last man in the water
I was the one who saved your sons and daughters
And when they finally sent down
The last shred of rope…
I saw my last hope wave goodbye…

THE ONE

Words & Music by Sara Hickman
No flowers for his funeral
No one here on the phone
Invisible, here
I am living in fear
I am broken and alone
The burden of my broken heart
Can never be compared
To the loss and anger others feel
And the other mothers share...
I’m not sure what went wrong
Was it something I said?...
These words keep spinning through my soul
And I’m not sure what I could have done
I can not find the words
His eyes were dark, he seldom cried
But we told him he was good
And he never played with a single soul
In our neighborhood
My mind goes back so long ago
When he first came into this world
I gave birth to hands and a sweet, small mouth
Nine months of mystery revealed
And... I fear that I will go insane from this evil ghost I bear
He will always be remembered as
The one who held the gun...
But to me…He was...my son
My feet have grown so heavy
They are sodden from the tears
Mixed with the loss of reason
That was lost within his years
And... I fear that I will go insane from this evil ghost I bear
He will always be remembered as…The one… who held the gun...
But to me…He was...my son

EDENTOWN

Words and music by Sara Hickman
If you drive across Texas far side of the state
There’s a ribbon of heaven for those who just can’t wait
Got a Moroccan Hotel and a little shady creek
With a Slumber on Inn and broad broadway streets
Tall walls are covered with sharp barbed wire
To prevent anyone from getting any higher
You can visit the dump
Where the flowers still grow
And you can always start all over
Cuz it’s all you’ll ever know
In Edentown...oh...back in Edentown....
One step beyond I found Adam and Eve
In a dingy old house by the side of the road
With a car up on blocks, a dog chained to a tree
I found the new swank Eden as bleak as can be
Well, Eve had six children and Adam was drunk
He led them deeper into debt, wiped each kiss with a punch
'Til the violence escalated even further one day
Adam shot Eve in the face
So they sent him away
To Edentown...oh...Edentown....oh....
Come over here...let me hold you tight
I gotta tell you something now...I gotta set things right
Children smacked 'round, broke down, what a life they've led
With a papa in prison and a mama who's dead
Has God gone on vacation...Or is it too late to save?
What was allegedly created in just seven days?
Is there a chance in hell when the hope is all gone
What can replace all the madness that's descended upon...?
Edentown...oh... Edentown.....oh

LAST OF A DYING BREED

Music by Colin Boyd
Words by Colin Boyd & Sara Hickman
You may not have seen his kind before
And you may not again
Another time when things were more
Defined for sure
Way back when
When honesty couldn't hurt you
And your integrity wouldn't brand you
Just the thing that we all need
He's the last of a dying breed
You should have heard the way he sang
His words would fill the room
He'd take you to someplace true
That always seemed to end too soon
You could count upon tomorrow
And hope wasn't something you borrowed
Just the thing we all need
He's the last of a dying breed
The rain was falling fast as tears
The years had come and gone
Who will touch me with his words
Who will carry on?
Staring into empty space
I miss the wonder, I miss the grace
Before he left he laid a seed
The last of a dying breed
Now each day I face the world
Looking for a sign
A reminder and a purpose of what was left behind
And with each choice I'm choosing
I'm winning or I'm losing
Trying to make sure I won't be
The last of a dying breed

THE SUITCASE

Music by Sara Hickman
Words by Sara Hickman and Dan Workman
Broken and torn, tattered and traveled
Here in the warmth...a handle to hold
Unlocking the ridge
Waiting for answers
What will I find...waiting inside?
Packed up so tightly...responding to no one
I bounce on your knee...I've curdled the love
These ramifications...soft, easy leather
Too tense for beginning
Into fog I must slide...
Wake up your sister...It's time to be going
Go grab your brother...tomorrow we ride
You have my suitcase...I have your belongings
There goes the story...we all know so well
A camera to capture...the journey I'm after
Complete with the sorrow
You left me behind
Folding the clothes...that I never owned
I pack them away....with the thorn, of a rose
Who would have questioned these complications
For early last week
I felt so composed
These skeleton keys
Some other womans
Strung between glass beads
I've...never owned
Wake up your sister...It's time to be going
Go grab your brother...tomorrow we ride
You have my suitcase...I have your belongings
There goes the story...we all know so well

BEFORE YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND

Words and music by Mark Addison and Sara Hickman
It's late at night but the air's still warm
The wind can't seem to blow
I like awake with the tv on
And watch your favorite show
And all I want is to know you're well
Standing there at the carousel
If they lost your bags, just give 'em hell
Before you change your mind
The coffee's hot...oh, how I hate the clock
The paper's still outside
The kids are up...and the neighbor said
She'd give Suzanne a ride
And while we slept the world turned round
Now you're all alone in a faceless town
So, you knot your tie
And you stand your ground
Before you change your mind
And all I want for history to change
Is the nothing left for me to hold...
And all I want
Is the mystery explained
But sometimes  you just have to let go....
What's it like...to be alone?
Does it bring you peace of mind?
How does it feel....to come back home
To what you've left behind?
And all I want is for you to know
No matter where you are, or how far you go
I pray your path always brings you home
Before you change your mind
Mmm.....